By nature, I think I am a pretty giving person. My family comes first and then I pretty much will do anything anyone asks of me. Sometimes I get too much on my plate and then I feel overwhelmed and have to back out of commitments, which I always feel really bad about. I'm trying to learn how to say no. I think it's ok to say no from time to time. I'd like to think I am the type of person that can handle anything that is sent my way but honestly, I have my limits and having 4 kids under the age of 6 is a pretty big commitment right there. My Scentsy business is growing like crazy so that's probably my #2 commitment. I have over 500 people in my downline, and 7 directors, some of whom don't know what's going on so I am now helping their downline too. So my phone rings a lot, my emails are constant. I'm trying to set hours for myself. My kids are priority in the morning, we play games, ring around the rosy, hide and go seek, etc... I try not to answer the phone or get on email until they are at school. Then while they are at school, it's my turn to get my work done, or run errands, meet up with friends for some social time, etc.... After school, I make dinner, do the night routine with them and so on...
So that's how my day goes in a nutshell.
But what's bothering me is that even with all that going on, I still try to help people when I can. I think it's my nature. When a friend asks for help, I do so, without thinking- now does this person ever help me? But it seems like in some of my relationships, I am the one that is always giving and when I need something, no one is around. So my question is, when do you stop helping people? Should I just say that I am too busy or should I just continue to do what is my nature, help out when I can and maybe I will get blessings later. I think I just get bugged that not everyone feels that same way. I've tried really really hard lately to be accepting of people. I have tried to overlook these personality flaws in people but this one issue just keeps coming back to my head and I can't seem to decide what to do. But back to my original point, when do you stand up for yourself and say enough is enough? Or don't you? I don't want to be a selfish person nor would I want anyone to think that of me because I know that I'm not. It's seriously is really bothering me and I am just wondering what your opinion is.
oh, and if you are wondering if I am talking about you, probably not. So don't worry! ;)
Back Home to Utah
22 hours ago
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7 comments:
There are always those people that don't seem to mind to take advantage of someone's kind-hearted nature.
Everyone's busy and has their own hectic lives as well, and may not notice the stress they are adding to your burden.
I would help when your burden is lighter... don't help if its just going to irritate you (then your helping is just in vain).
I don't think this comment made any sense at all.
You'll run yourself ragged if you don't limit yourself! As much as we want to be Christlike and serve others, we HAVE to take care of ourselves and our own needs and not let ourselves be taken advantage of. One thing I just told one of my blogging friends, who's going through the same thing, is it's okay to say no. You don't even need to give them an explanation, just simply say in a kind way, "I'd love to, but I can't" and leave it at that. You have a lot on your plate right now and I don't think it's selfish at all if you tell people no here and there. You're such a sweet person Jen and I can tell you have a good heart, but don't feel bad saying no, especially if you're not receiving any kindness in return.
I agree with the above, and wanted to add that some people are just pure opportunities for service -- they don't have the resources to be able to "help you back" and will always just be takers. That doesn't mean we shouldn't help them, but we do need to make sure we aren't being taken advantage of and that we are putting first things first. I think being prayerful and listening for promptings can help a lot in making the decision about when to help and when to say no.
On the topic of watching other people's kids (a common scenario in the "helping", right?), I think most people have to be willing to reciprocate, or forget it. Unless there is a serious extenuating circumstance. I really dislike being taken advantage of on that particular issue.
This is why I don't have a lot of friends. :p JUST KIDDING!!! I agree with what Erika said. Even though I'm like you, I have a hard time saying "no". So let me know what works for you and I'll have to try it too. :) Big hugs to you!
Oh Jen-
We are so much alike. This is something I'm trying to focus on right now. I'm not doing a very good job at it, but I'm starting to realize that I feel like I'm being taken advantage by some people. I have one person in particular who calls me all the time to watch her son. He's kind of a crazy boy. It's not like he's that hard, and for the most part I'm around to help out, but sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with my own kids that the thought of having another crazy one makes me sick to my stomach. Brent always reminds me: I don't work my butt off for you to stay home and watch everyone elses kids. I don't know. I LOVE the LDS church, but I also think we, as women, put a high expectation of ourselves. We are expected to do the best, be the best, and help everyone in need at the same time. I have a lot of guilt from this, especially when I say no. It's all in my head I'm sure.
You are so amazing. I had no idea your scentsy business was booming so incredibly. Pretty soon, you'll have enough money to move away from it all and buy a ginormous house. I think you have every right to say no. You're pretty much working a full time job, even if it is from home. Let me know how it goes. I'd love to see/use the tactic that works for you.
Hey Jen -
One of the best things I've done for myself and family in recent years is to know my limits and respect them when it comes to what I realistically can and cannot do for other people.
I still feel like I am able to help out a lot, but I also have to say, 'sorry that won't work out this time' quite a bit too. Its a balancing act, but yes, my opinion is that you absolutely should stand up for yourself and do what you can manage and pass on what is too much for your very full plate.
There is a time and season for everything - in a few years when kids are older, I will have more time and ability, but right now, my OWN kids, husband, and self/sanity deserve the most of me - to me that is not being selfish, it is just putting priorities in place and respecting personal limitations. When I am able to help out, it is with no strings attached (ie: expecting reciprocation) because I know I have time/energy/ability to contribute at that time....Just my two cents :). congrats on your scentsy success too!!!
Thanks everyone! Your opinions have helped a lot. It's nice to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this particular issue. It's just something I haven't been able to wrap my mind around lately so it was nice to vent and then feel validated! Hugs to all!
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